I just woke up – a nap not nearly long enough! Oh well, to work!
I think that Mom’s last hospital stay must have done something to her mind. She says that she had another hip replacement. I think I mentioned that before, and wasn’t sure if I have a hip. I guess Mom has two of them, since she has had two replaced. I wonder if there are more. I mean, she has ten fingers and ten toes, why not more than two hips?
Anyway, since Mom came home from the hospital all smelly again, she’s been eating very strange things. She had a bag with, of all things, buttered fingers in it. I have never heard of anyone eating fingers before, but I suppose it wouldn’t be all that bad, except that I smelled these so-called “Butter Fingers,” and they don’t smell at all edible. Something is not quite right here, I think. I would never think of eating fingers belonging to Mom or Dad, but probably if a human were lying dead on the floor and there was nothing else to eat, I might try to eat the fingers. However, on examining fingers closely, I have found that there does not appear to be much meat on them – they’re kind of skinny and bony. Mom claims to love them, though. The smell they give off is sort of like that chocolate stuff that both Mom and Dad eat. Would someone cook fingers in butter and cover them with chocolate? How odd! They are crunchy, though, so perhaps the bones are cooked to a very tender state. Hm-m-m-m! I’ll have to think about this for a while. I don’t think I would be eating them anytime soon.
Humans do eat a lot of strange things, though. Mom sometimes makes something called “sloppy joes.” What? Just because someone named Joe is not very neat, we are supposed to eat him? I don’t think it smells like human meat, but rather beef perhaps, but there are so many other smells mixed in that I’m really not sure. I think Mom said that there are tomatoes or something in it, along with relish and maybe some other yucky things. It’s something I would never eat, that’s for sure. Anything that smells that bad will never pass my lips.
Mom also told me that in some places they eat something called “Toad in the Hole.” I’m not exactly sure what a toad is, but I think I remember something from when I was very small. It was an ugly little thing that smelled bad, and peed on everything. Some of our people did eat them when there was nothing else, but I don’t think I ever tasted it. Some humans seem to have very bad taste in food. A toad? In a hole? What is the hole made of? Can a hole actually be made of anything? Doesn’t a hole have to be in something else, and not a thing on its own? Sometimes I think I will never understand humans.
Mom has also been eating celery with cream cheese. The cream cheese is okay, but celery? How many inedible things can humans think of to eat? Celery is green – I never eat green food. Celery is full of stringy stuff – I never eat stringy stuff. As I said, the cream cheese is okay. I would eat that, and Mom could have the celery.
Another thing humans eat is potatoes. What’s with potatoes, anyway? I’ve smelled them and they smell like dirt most of the time. Humans take off the outsides of the potatoes most of the time, but not always. They are kind of white inside and they are very crispy sometimes. I have seen Mom fry them, boil them, bake them, add them to other things, and eat all of them. Dad likes them, too. What’s to like? They don’t have much taste, unlike fish or chicken or beef or turkey or so many other fine foods. I guess I’ll just stick with meat, since it’s so tasty and makes my tummy happy.
Well, I think it’s nap time again, unless it’s time to eat. I’ll have to check my system clock and get back to myself on that.
Yours,
Apache
